My Almost Love Life
by Fate Camiswhil
Summary: Hi! My name's Cagalli, I'm single since birth and this is the story of my so called "Love Life", if I had one...
1. How It All Began

Okay. Before you guys rant about why I published another story instead of updating my other two fics, I just want all of you to know that I have not done much on those updates yet and this one happened to be ready to type, so I decided to put it up since today was a good day. (111111) And because Koiichi and Riko made me post it...X3

As for 'Love or something like it' and 'My other self', I'm still chasing my muse... in other words, procrastinating... sorry, but don't worry, I'll update... eventually...XD

**Dedications: **This fic is dedicated to all the single ladies out there! And to the AsuCaga Forever Members! Especially to Koiichi and Riko... I love you guys so much!

Koiichi and Riko: This is it!^^ I can't believe I published it...X3

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill.

**Author's Note:**

Please keep in mind that this story has been written three years ago, so please try to ignore my childish construction of sentences, for I was too lazy to fix it and I thought it was already good as it is. But if it's still not to your liking, then just pardon me...X3

By the way, if you guys could still remember the poll I had during the end of 'Sweet Serendipity' (Cagalli is a maid!) to the beginning of 'Love or Something like it' (A Flock of Feathers), this was the story originally planned to be 'Single Since Birth'. But then, I had a toss coin to decide the title of this fic and God told me to use this instead. Yes, that's how I normally decide, so it's no wonder how fickle-minded I am when it comes to titles...XD

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><p><strong>"My Almost Love Life"<strong>

**Chapter 1: How It All Began.**

Cagalli's POV:

Hi! My name's Cagalli, I'm single since birth and this is the story of my so called "Love Life", if I had one.

It all started in my first year in high school. I made new friends, hanged out after school, had fun, etcetera. In my circle of friends, I was the only one who didn't have any experience with guys, whatsoever. And whenever my friends would remember that, they would always go: "It's okay, you're still young anyway." They say that even though we're all of the same age. No, it's not that I mind... But, you know, there's always that weird feeling of 'alienation'... It shouldn't bother me though, since I don't normally care about those stuffs anyway.

Later that same year, I was transferred to a different section with some of my friends, we didn't ask why though, it didn't matter. I was placed on the third seat from the front, in the far right of the room. Behind me sat a funny looking boy with weird hair style, he's name was Ahmed.

The first few days with him was fine, but later on, he became really irritating. Whenever he would get the chance, he would pull on my hair or tug on my shirt. He annoys the hell out of me, all the time and for no reason at all... Just to get my attention. But, for some weird reason, I never hated him.

The hair-pulling thing eventually became like a weird secret handshake to us, I always knew it was him. I got so used to it in time, that whenever he pulls at my hair, I would look back with a pout and that would be his cue to make a funny face and we'd both laugh. It was so weird but he never failed to make me smile. I never confronted him though. I didn't care that time.

Then, my seatmate told me once that he likes me, but I didn't believe her. I didn't want that.

After a few more weeks, a lot of people were already saying that he really does like me... And that's when I started feeling a little bit of hate. It was hate in a way that I hated those people for saying things like that about him and me, it's not true. I don't want it to be.

I was then transferred back to my original section, a few months after staying there. I was so glad. But somehow a part of me missed him. Then, I found out... that it didn't end there, much to my dismay.

Rumors continued spreading, people started sticking his name to mine. Some even started putting his last name as my surname and to top it all of, even our teachers talked about it. They must all think it's cute... But I hated it all.

Towards the end of the school year, we were told to pass diaries worth an entire month. There was this one time when I was sitting by the window pane, writing in my diary. I was rushing it off since I didn't really write regularly and the submission was already the day after that.

"I don't have anymore to write in here, my life's boring!" I whined out loud, causing Milly and Dearka, my two friends, to look at me.

"Then, why don't you get a boyfriend?" Milly suggested with a seemingly hidden agenda in her words. She and Dearka have been together since forever.

"Yeah! Give him an answer already!" Dearka piped in, referring to Ahmed. Milly agreed with him.

But I just gave them a cold dead stare. Ahmed isn't even courting me so, there's no reason to think of that. I sighed and tried to continue writing crap in my notebook, all I wrote there were mere made-up stories since there's really not worth noting in my life.

Then, I noticed the sun setting in the horizon of tall buildings. It was beautiful, breath-taking, even in the dumps of the city. I suddenly let my mind wonder off somewhere and I realized, I don't hate him at all... What I hated, was the people who paired us up and made stories about us. I never thought, I'd actually care about such petty things. But there was just this uneasy feeling that sets in me whenever, I would think about him and me.

I admitted it to myself though, that being friends with him would've been nice.

Then, it hit me. _"I want to transfer schools."_

I hated that school, I hated the teachers, I hated the students, the surroundings, all of it. Being there, was like staying at a place with no future. And I wanted to get out, fast. Since, I was leaving anyway and probably never to see any of the people there ever again, I thought I'd use him as an excuse. Everyone believed it, he did too and I never heard of him ever since.

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><p>In my second year, at my new school. I tried to make myself look more like a girl and to be more friendly because of a stupid memory that keeps on haunting me since I went to waste my first high school year in that hell-of-a-place they call school.<p>

_Flashback:_

_"Hey." A guy named Miguel approached me, he was cute. "Are you a tomboy?"_

_After hearing that, he instantly became the ugliest guy in my eyes. "Are you gay?" I retorted._

_Then the guy behind him, Rusty, started laughing._

_End of Flashback._

The first few days was tough and lonely but I managed to pull through. It didn't take long for me to belong.

And again, in my new circle of friends, I was the only one who didn't have a boyfriend. "It's okay, you're still young anyway."

This time, I answered. "I'm older than you!" And as expected, they all ended up laughing while I sighed. _"I'm getting tired of this."_

A few days later, I found myself hanging out with Nicol, my seatmate. He was such a nice fellow and we always had something to fun talk about. However, whenever we would talk and get together, this annoying dick-face keeps on getting in the way. He's name was Azrael. I really hate this guy so whenever he comes, I leave.

After a few weeks, Nicol suddenly disappeared without a trace. I was lonely again. But that didn't last long, for we were assigned our new seating arrangement for the new semester.

I was placed on the second seat near the window and I have a new seat mate too.

He's name was Athrun.

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><p>At first, I hated my new seat because Azrael was seating behind me. He's so annoying, I wish he'd just die! But unfortunately, he kept on living and eventually I got used to where I was placed. It's a good thing I could always turn to the guy in front of me, Sai. Anyway, after my patience runs out in dealing with Athrun and Azrael, Sai would always take my side and defends me from the both of them. He acts just like an older brother to me, he even told me once that he actually felt a little sorry for me since I was stuck in the middle of Athrun and Azrael, saying: "It must feel like hell."<p>

I responded. "You have no idea."

During the early times of Nicol's disappearance, Athrun would always tell me that Nicol sends him messages, asking him how I was but I didn't need to know that. Nicol sends me messages too so, I've always wondered why he had to inform me of that but I didn't see the need to tell him any more.

Azrael told me weird things about Nicol too, but I didn't wanna give him any more reason to keep on talking to me, so I didn't say anything. He can stay stupid for all I care.

After approximately three months, Nicol came back, I was so surprised. But not because he returned, rather, I was surprised he hadn't gotten kicked out after three months worth of absences!

Nicol and I didn't go back to the way we were before though, he was seated far from me now and none of us would exert any kind of effort to be close friends again. As it turns out, he was moving back to where on earth he came from. We didn't get to talk much at all but we did keep the casual 'hellos'.

It didn't take long before he left, really left and that was it.

I always did like him.

After a while, Athrun told me Nicol was sending him messages again, inquiring about me. But I don't care anymore. I wasn't so sure if Athrun was still telling the truth or just messing with me because Nicol never sent me messages anymore. I didn't wanna care about him either. But I do miss him, even just a bit.

Moving on, Athrun was starting to become really annoying as well. At first, sitting with him was fine and not a bother at all bu later on, when we started getting used to each other was when I started disliking his jokes.

He was starting to act like my boyfriend! He even placed bets with Tolle about whoever of them becomes my boyfriend wins and to think Tolle has a girlfriend that time. Tolle's Girlfriend knew of this too, but she never confronted me, everyone knows Athrun and Tolle were just fooling around. At least, that's what I wanted to think that time.

Unfortunately for me, rumors started spreading again, how I hate those! Everyone thought Athrun was courting me and what's worse is that, he claims to be my boyfriend! _Argh!_

Actually, I wasn't really sure if he was... I've never been courted before, how the hell am I supposed to know if he already was pursuing me? Isn't he supposed to say that to my face or something? In any case, hell didn't care. I thought he was just toying with me and that he wasn't serious at all. Like, everything was just a casual joke for the two of us.

On another note, that was also about the same time when I started making friends with Stella. She was different with my other friends, because she was just like me, an SSB. She was also so much like me and at the same time, different.

Unlike me, who has absolutely no interest in boys and the sort, Stella fell hard and head over heels for our adviser. Mr. Neo Roanoke. Mr. Neo was way too cool and understanding, he was also my favorite teacher but for Stella, he was the only man in the world. Stella was a really smart and pretty girl. She's kind, a great friend, honest and funny. However, there would be times when she gets overly dramatic about little things and mostly they're about Mr, Neo. During times like that she becomes really unbearable but just like everything else in life, I got used to her in time.

One day, Athrun was joking around with Tolle and Sai when he suddenly cursed while looking at me. Of course, I didn't say anything, I just kept quiet but in my mind, I was thinking that he was cursing me?

During our lunch time, I told asked one of my friends about what she thinks of it. Flay said to not mind him and she had a straight face that time so I did my best to just forget about it. I curse too, but only in my mind so it shouldn't be much of a bother to hear curses from others, especially when he's a guy, so I just let it go.

The next day, Athrun was acting really weird. He was quiet the whole time and he wasn't talking to me at all. He seems to be trying to ignore me and avoiding eye contact. But it wasn't just me, he wasn't talking to anyone, he was just quietly sitting there. It irked me, so I decided to transfer seats. I just couldn't take it anymore.

Later, I caught him staring at me and it wasn't the usual look he gives me all the time, this look was kinda scary. I quickly looked away and pretended that I was far from him although, we were a bit near each other. After that class was another subject, so I was forced to go back to my seat which was next to him. A few minutes after getting back beside him, he asked me if he did something bad to me or something that I didn't like. I quickly answered 'no', not at all. The I asked him why.

As it turns out, Flay approached him behind my back. He told me that Flay scolded him yesterday about bullying me and saying bad things to me. Then, I remembered telling Flay that Athrun cursed at me. So, I told him that. He started explaining that he didn't mean to curse at me and he was only joking with the guys when I looked at him while he was saying crap. As he was continuously explaining, he started looking silly and it made me smile. When he saw me smile, he laughed and went back to how he usually was. He was back to normal and I was really glad. To think that he was thinking about me that whole day, all because of a simple misunderstanding.

_You're such a hamster brain, Zala._

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><p><strong>"Behind the Stories"<strong> (This is just a little Dialogue Portion... Koiichi said 'it was fun and I should try it', so I did but not without a little twist...X3)

Fate (me) posted on facebook: (edited version)

Fate: Mel (Koiichi) and Riko, how the hell do you guys do it? I'm so tired already but you two are still going at it? Damn... -_-" Gah! I'm still beta-ing 'A Silent Love' (new fic)! Mel, can you help me beta 'The Wedding Dress' (new fic)? It's supposed to be for AsuCaga Forever, right? Can we put that on-hold first? At least, until I'm done with 'Silent Love'...? BTW, whatever happened to the 'Stalker' (new fic) thing? We don't even have a title for that yet. *panic mode* Gah... This feels like work...

Riko Chiaki: Lol! Take your time, ne-chan!^^ I'm still writing the next chapter of 'Coffee, Fashion and Love'. ^w^

Koiichi: Beta? Sure. Once I get my hands on a real comp. I'm on the dentist right now. XD

Fate: Thanks, Mel!^^ Gah, I'll finish this now! . *cramming mode*

Koiichi: Glad to be of help. :D

HotaruZala: Same here, dear.^-^ Gotta spend time on 'Tangled Cags'...XD

cute-cagalli22: ^_^ Good job, gals! Keep up the good work!

Written-Sin: Well, I don't have any plans to update for a while... I'm still a bit bitter on my readers/reviewers. Good luck, though.

eternalasucaga: Sometimes, I feel the same. :| But it's okay! I try not to make a big deal out of it. :)) but sometimes I just can't help it. =))

chacile: Just exactly what I feel right now.. and I hate the feeling..^^'

Nareiya: Just forget about the reviews and keep on publishing! :)

Jodeist: Don't just keep on publishing! Update! Lol!^^

muggle405: Ugh, I wish I could update.

Baka4anime: Same here... =D

eL-ch4n: Me too.. :)

Vani Jane/Kono Kiori: Should I get back to writing then? XD

Sandyx5: Wait! Which fic would be published for which account? O_o

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>Yes, we all know each other and that's how we work in real life! Lol!

Anyway, I'm trying to write shorter chapters. I don't want to keep count of my words all the time, sorry... But I hope that with this, I'll be able to update more often...^^

Well, this story is gonna be a little different from my other fics... It'll mainly focus on Cagalli's point of view and it'll be like a reverse harem. Lol! But don't worry, it's mostly AsuCaga... So yeah, I hope you guys still review.

And no flames, please respect that this is my fic. Thank you!

Gah, another new distraction... -_-"

(.^_^.)

~ Fate

111111


	2. Daybreak

Chapter 2! Thanks for the reviews!^^

**AN: **Let me just clear up the mix-up in the last chapter. The annoying guy who was sitting behind Cagalli was Azrael and not Yuna. Yuna has not made his existence known in this story yet.

MERRY CHRISTMAS‼^^

This is my gift to all of you guys! I updated two of my fics! The other one didn't make it in time and I'm already gone later...XD

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><p><strong>"My Almost Love Life"<strong>

**Chapter 2: Daybreak.**

In our third year, Athrun, Stella and the rest were transferred into the other section. Sai transferred schools and unfortunately, Azrael was still alive. On the brighter side of life, I've met new friends and guess what? They were both SSBs! Lacus and Shiho. Shiho was a bit tomboyish like me and Lacus was our complete opposite. Lacus was beautiful, smart, soft-spoken and ever-so-kind. She was also our class president. One time, I asked her why she's never had a boyfriend before but instead of answering, she turned the tables. She asked me that very same question and in all honestly, I did not know what to say. _No wonder she didn't answer. Sneaky..._

_How come you've never had a boyfriend before?_

That was the question and since I didn't know what to say then so, I thought I had to know the answer next time they ask it to me. While contemplating, I came up with my answers and of course, I did my best to not lie to myself.

I thought about it and listed my answers.

_"Because I haven't yet found a guy who perfectly suits my taste?"_

_"Because no guy was able to pass my standards yet?"_

_"Most guys who like me are complete idiots?"_

_"Those who court me seems to only be doing it for laughs?"_

Looking at it now, I wondered why they seem to be mere questions than answers. Then, I wrote my final answer.

_"I don't love any of them. So for me, they're all just friends and that's all they'll ever be."_

That's it! I don't love any of them! I don't wanna get stuck with them and I don't wanna have a boyfriend just to be able to say that I have one. That's my answer.

I have always been realistically idealistic. That's why for me, the whole boyfriends/girlfriend relationship thing is supposed to be all about love and future plans together, not just some mere title.

To be in a relationship that goes nowhere is a complete waste of time, effort, money and a whole lot of other things.

When you two are in a relationship and you decide to talk about wedding, marriage and having children, both of you will only end up laughing your heads off and think that: "It's just too early for that."

However, in my opinion 'to be together', isn't that what relationships are all about?

_"Love does not consist solely in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."_ - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Why get stuck with a guy whom you don't really want to spend the rest of your life with? Why collect girlfriends and boyfriends whom you don't even take seriously? Why cheat? Why play? Why be in a relationship at all? Is love and commitment just a game now?

If you don't plan on getting married some day, like in the span of five to twenty years, then why are you together in the first place? Like what I've said before, if you're not taking the relationship seriously then it'll be just another waste of time, effort, money and all those other stuff and in the end, you know it was never worth it. Then, you regret and feel bitter. Pathetic.

While I was chatting with Lacus, Shiho and Flay. Flay suddenly shouted 'hi!' to a person from behind me. I turned and saw a good-looking but lonely girl in the corner of the room. He name was Luna. Her face had always been familiar to me but never did I try to approach her. She didn't seem to have many friends and the few that she has, I suppose Flay is one of them, doesn't seem to be true to her at all. Lacus, Shiho and I felt Flay's sudden faking, she was messing with this girl and none of us knew why, we didn't ask either.

I wasn't really interested in her back then so I never tried approaching her. It didn't take long 'till I found myself sitting on a bench beside her. Lacus was on my other side and in front of us were Flay and Shiho. We were having a friendly chat when I discovered Luna wasn't that bad. I wonder why Flay acted like that towards her though, I kept it to myself. A few moments later, a guy passed by and said hi to me, he waved so I waved back at him. Then, Luna turned to me and asked if I knew that guy. I said his name was Shinn, a sophomore and to some extent a good friend of mine. She just nodded while Flay turned to me and threw a somewhat punch line.

"So, what do you think? Stalker or Admirer?" She smirked.

We burst out laughing. In our clique, we have this somehow secret classification for guys. If he's cute, we'll refer to him as an 'Admirer' and if he's not, then he'll be a 'Stalker'.

"Hmm, admirer?" I answered just for the heck of it and we all laughed some more.

Since Athrun was pre-occupied with his new class, I got used to having Shinn around instead of him. Shinn would always greet me and my friends would always tease me about him. In time, his intentions became more evident as he started adding things like: "you're so beautifu today" or "you look blooming today", to his usual greetings and my friends started telling me that whenever he sees them, he asks them where I was, when I wasn't with my friends.

"Where's Cagalli?" Shinn asked as he approached Flay, Lacus, Shiho and Luna.

Flay was the one who anwered. "I don't keep her in my pocket you know!"

Shinn pouted. "I was just asking."

Flay gave out an exaperated sigh. "All right, fine." She then, peeked inside her skirt's pocket and asked. "Cagalli, are you in there? Shinn's looking for you again."

Shinn turned red in complete embarrassment. "You couldv'e just told me that you didn't know." Then, he walked away defeated and the girls laughed.

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><p>One day, the girls and I were on our way home when Shinn suddenly popped up out of nowhere. "Can I walk you home?" He suddenly asked shamelessly as we were surrounded by my clique.<p>

I was kinda too stunned to answer so I was just staring blankly at him for what seemed like minutes until Flay came by to break the ice.

"Are you crushing on Cagalli?" She asked directly and as shamelessly as Shinn.

But Shinn didn't answer, he just stared at her with a look that says: 'Are you talking to me?' or 'Can't you see we're busy here?'

Finally, the messaged sunk deep enough for my brain to digest it and I was able to respond. No, I didn't give him an answer, I just laughed. Come to think about it, I'm not even sure if it was a response to Shinn's question or Flay's mockery. Then again, it didn't matter as long as I was able to get away from him quickly.

After walking past Shinn and our laughter had died down, Shiho left me an afterthought. "You know if I didn't knew you better, I'd think that Shinn was _actually_ your boyfriend."

A few days later, I was walking to my next class with my friends, as usual, when Shinn suddenly appeared in front of us again. This time, he asked me if I could give him a picture, of me of course. He didn't even give me enough time to digest what he was saying, so I answered. "Okay, sure." Then, he gave me one of those charming smiles before walking off.

Once he was out of sight, Flay and Shiho started teasing me about him again and they're starting to really annoy me. Shinn is just my friend, that's it!

Then, Luna spoke out of the blue. "Is he courting you?"

I wanted to think it through first, before answering her but what the hell? I'll just tell her the truth. "I don't know, I'm not so sure." I laughed her off.

I mean, how was I supposed to know what he was thinking or trying to do,  
>when I got no experience? It's like, he keeps on sending me blank messages<br>that I'm not even receiving. Can't he just spill it out? I sighed. Better to not  
>think about it.<p>

About a week later after I gave Shinn a picture of me, I found myself in the library, hanging out with my friends. We were supposed to do some research but forgot about it when we saw magazines. We sat down, alongside one another in a long table.

Shiho and Lacus took a big book, as in, huge! I think they were the only ones who are actually trying to do some research because it's obvious, since Flay and Luna were giggling over a big picture book of 'the world's hottest men'?

Anyway, I was just browsing through a magazine, too lazy to study, when the chair in front of me moved and a guy sat in it. It was Shinn yet again.

He wasn't reading-heck, he didn't even have a book. He was just sitting there, staring! It was creepy and it made me feel uneasy but I didn't wanna shoo him away since he was my friend and because that would embarrass him, as if he's not embarrassing me by doing these things!

Then, he leaned over and asked if he could sit beside me so he could read what I was reading.

I freaked. Not because I was nervous or shy to sit beside him, but because the page where my magazine was turned to, showed an article entitled: "How to tell if a guy is into you."

Coincidence? Screw Destiny!

Without answering him, I abruptly stood up and transferred to another table. He followed me and said that he only wanted to read it. I didn't listen, I stood up again to get away and said that I'm reading something exclusive for girls and that I can't let him read it.

But he was persistent and the chase began. It was like Cat and Mouse. He's the cat and I'm the mouse.

He was staring at me with a dazed expression on his face, it was as if we were the only ones there. I was slowly backing away from a table, he was approaching me and he didn't realize that there was a table between us, when he bumped into it, I made a dash.

My friends proved unreliable at all, they were laughing their heads off, cheering for him! Wait 'till I get my hands on you, girls!

After a seemingly long while he finally caught up and I was cornered between him, a wall and two huge bookshelves. I can't hear my friends anymore, I seemed to have run to the far back of the library where only a few people venture to.

There was only him, me, the bookshelves and the surveilance camera attached to the ceiling on top of us. I'm doomed!

He slowly walked up to me, a small smile forming on his lips as if he was planning something. I was slowly taking steps backwards. I had a tight grip on the magazine, crippling it, as if I was holding on for my dear life. Then, my back hit the wall.

I was thinking, Left? There was a bookshelf.

Right? It was a wall.

Then, all of a sudden, something rang.

Saved by the bell, it's time for class.

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><p>Christmas vacation came, Lacus, Shiho, Flay and I decided to attend the nine days of early morning masses or 'Misa De Gallo'.<p>

During the first day, we ended up meeting with old friends from our old highschool, because Flay and I both transferred from there. Mir and Dearka. As it turns out, they broke up before the beginning of second year. Then, they got back together just two months ago. Flay and I were talking about them on our way home, Shiho and Lacus parted from us and went off to the ways of their homes.

"I just couldn't believe how they broke up and got into new relationships with other people, just to get back together again." I said while staring up at the sky. It was starting to lighten up with daybreak on it's way. The streets were still empty though, but noises from each households were starting to stir up in the neighborhood.

"Maybe, they really were meant to be together." [1] Flay absentmindedly answered, while staring at her phone.

I stared at her and regarded what she said for a moment.

I don't think I will ever forget that answer of hers. Those words. Never did I once imagine hearing those words in real life, only in tv shows.

I didnt laugh though, I was actually too taken aback to even react. But inside my mind, I knew I wanted to laugh. There was nothing funny about it, but I wanted to laugh. I wanted to laugh so I could deny that stupid feeling inside that I don't even understand. I wanted to laugh... so bad, it hurts.

The next day, Mir and Dearka introduced us to some of their new friends, the friends they made and met when Flay and I transferred. Juri, Asagi, Mayura, Kuzzey and... is that Sai?

As it turns out, Sai had transferred to their school and had been friends of theirs ever since. Destiny proves to be truly amusing yet again.

The third day came, and we were all surprised that Sai and Flay were so close all of a sudden. Of course, they've known each other but even when Sai was in our school, I've never thought Flay would go for him. I was really surprised, Flay never told me anything and now they're acting like they were a couple already.

"Was she always like that?" Shiho whispered to my ear.

I only shook my head and turned so I the newly dubbed 'couple' wouldn't catch my view.

Shiho then stomped away from us, irritated. Lacus followed her, waving to me as if to say 'leave her to me'.

I was left with no other option but to keep my distance, even if I missed my older-brother-wanna-be Sai. I was stuck tagging along with Mir, even though I was a bit of a bother to Dearka, well they're just gonna have to wait after the mass to be just the two of them.

Later, after the homily, Mir whispered to me that she didn't know how it all happened. I asked what she meant and she explained. As it turns out, Sai happened to have been asking for my number yesterday but instead of giving away mine, they gave him Flay's number.

"Okay... whatever..." I brushed it off, since it was weird and I didn't care.

The fourth day, they broke up... inside the church... after the mass.

What the hell?

I understand that this was Sai's first time, but a 24-hour relationship? Now, that was stupid. No, actually, that was beyond stupid. I didn't even get a proper word to fit it.

"What the hell is wrong with them?" Shiho gave out an exasperated sigh. "..and just when I was already over it."

"I feel as if there's something seriously wrong here, I hope Flay's all right." Lacus mused aloud on our way back home. Flay didn't walk with us.

After getting back home and catching up on some sleep, I woke up with my phone flooded with Flays messages. But the one message that really shocked me was...

_"He didn't want to be with me, he wanted to be with you!"_

What the hell is she saying? Sai's just like an older brother... to me, that is.

On the fifth day of the Misa de Gallo, Flay was a bit distant from me. I don't know how it all happened and I could swear I had nothing to do with any of it. But still, I kinda feel partly responsible for some weird reason. I decided to make sure to keep distance from Sai from then on, it wouldn't be wise to make sudden moves to make the issue big.

On our way home, after we've separated from Shiho and Lacus, we stopped at a park where no one was around and Flay asked me. "Why are you doing this? Are you pitying me?"

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" I was already pissed, I can't believe she would say that after what I did for her. Throwing away my friendship with Sai and all.

"You already knows he likes you! And earlier, Mayura and the others tried to get you two closer but you wouldn't budge!" Flay glared at me.

"For God's sake, Flay! I'm not interested in Sai and I never will be!" I quickly covered my mouth after I said that. It was a direct insult to Flay's face.

She cried. Oh, my God! I made Flay cry!

"Why the hell are you crying? It was just a one-day relationship, wasn't it? It's not worth all this drama!" I know I'm supposed to be consoling her and making her feel better but this was just getting ridiculous. Flay never cries, not for real anyway. "Get over it!"

As if she was woken up by my words, she stopped crying and started to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I'm sorry too." We sat there in the park for a while to cool down before deciding to get back on our way home. I waited for a chance to ask her that question that's been bugging me since all this crap started and when I got it, I didn't hold back. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask you this.. If Sai really does like me, then why didn't he say anything that time? When he was still going on the same school as us?"

Her answer came quick and blunt. "Because Athrun was there."

I was a bit shocked to hear that, but there was yet another question in mind. "What about you, then? Why didn't you say anything?"

Again, her answer came out devoid from any emotion just like her first answer. "Because I was waiting for him to get over you."

I didn't say anything after hearing that, I didn't ask any further either. Knowing this and that won't change anything. Everything is already as it is and I didn't wanna have anything to do with any of it. I just shrugged it all off, thinking it's best to let it die a natural death.

The sixth, seventh, and eight morning masses passed by with everyone pretending as if everything is all right and that we didn't need to talk about it anymore. No one dared to mention anything and both Sai and Flay didn't say anything either. We just let it slip because it was easier that way and no one seems to care enough to even bother.

On the ninth and final mass, we all went to have breakfast at a nearby fast food chain. Surprisingly, we all had fun and everything seems to have been forgotten. We were back to the way we were all supposed to be. After eating, we took pictures to never forget those nine days that we were altogether. It was fun.

On the way home, I asked Shiho, Lacus and Flay to come with me to the "Salubong". It's a special mass to greet the Christmas at the strike of midnight, it takes place at about half past ten in the evening. They all agreed and this time, it'll be just the four of us.

It was the night before Christmas and as usual, we met up near the entrance to the church. The mass was solemn and peaceful. At the end of it, we decided to gather to my place for "Noche Buena". I asked them to just sleep over and get back to their families in the morning.

Daybreak came once again and after my friends have taken off to wherever they have to be, I was left by myself.

When we were younger, Kira and I were brought up into thinking that Santa Claus was a close friend and delivery boy of Jesus Christ, that he would be the one to give away gifts for the celebration of our Lord's birthday. Of course, we knew that Dad was one playing the role as Santa, we just never told our parents that we knew so we could get more gifts.

But now, Santa doesn't come by anymore, he went away somewhere far and isn't gonna come back anytime soon. We've come to accept that somehow.

Even so, my family ceased to truly celebrate Christmas around that time, now it's been reduced to nothing more but mere formalities for our relatives and those other people that we know. As time passed by, we become more and more aware that Christmas doesn't mean much to us anymore. I guess don't really need gifts after all.

Nonetheless, I wanted to celebrate it. I wanted to borrow the feeling everyone else was feeling. That's why I asked my friends to come to the nine days of Misa de Gallo with me. I wanted to feel the holiday even for only an hour inside a church. At least, I spend those hours of those nine days with my friends. It's the only thing I could do for myself.

This would be the first Christmas that I would have to spend alone. Dad's gone, mom's nowhere to be found, she's probably at work though and my brother, Kira, seems to already be living in another person's house [2].

A few months ago, I celebrated my sixteenth birthday all by myself. Coming home to an empty house, opening the door only to reveal such a dark space and that deafening silence. Thinking back, aren't I supposed to be used to this by now? I sighed, I hate remembering such things. I was never the person to wallow in sorrow because I knew that there are just some things that you can never get, no matter what you do and through these past years, I've come to see the beauty in that... somehow.

I was eating lunch all by myself that Christmas afternoon when I received a phone call from my father, he greeted me with such a happy voice. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Dad." I instantly shed tears, I didn't knew I was holding back. [3]

"Where's your mom?" He asked.

"At work somewhere." I answered, trying to sound as normal as my voice would let me.

"How about your brother?" His concern was starting to resound in his voice.

"I don't know but I'm sure he's still alive wherever he is." I joked, thinking it would lighten up the mood.

He chuckled and we fell into a seemingly comfortable silence.

"I wish you were here." There, I said it. Never in my life had I ever thought of saying such embarrassing words, my father could practically hear my sobs through the phone. I can't believe it, I broke down. Damn...

"I'm sorry." That was his reply and I knew, I had to stop there. Not one of us can afford to feel like this at this time, we wouldn't wanna pull each other down.

After that conversation with my father, I didn't finish my meal anymore. I don't think I can eat after that. I need to calm down my nerves, I don't want anyone to see me in such a state, if in case some people suddenly barged into the house.

I laid in bed to think and I must've fallen asleep in the process because I was surprised all of a sudden when I heard the front door slam. Kira was home.

"What the hell are you doing, spending Christmas all on your own?" He asked as he came in carrying all sorts of gifts and stuff, no wonder he couldn't open the door quietly.

"Where'd you get all of this?" I asked while helping him with the boxes. "And where did you sleep last night?"

He laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head before changing the topic. "I stole them from Santa." He then winked at me and went outside again to fetch something.

He didn't answer my question.

Then, he came in again, this time carrying a rather large bouquet with balloons and a stuffed teddy bear in it. "This one's specially for you." He was grinning from ear to ear like a fool.

I was shocked to be given such a gift. I mean, who in hell would give me something like this? I stared questioningly at Kira but couldn't utter a word, so he answered without being asked. "It's from Athrun."

I took the card and it reads. "Merry Christmas, Cagalli."

For the first time in that entire day, I truly smiled.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Athrun."

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><p>Merry Christmas to Athrun and Cagalli! The same goes to all AsuCaga Forever members! Also, reviewers and readers! Love you all!^^<p>

hmmm... this chapter isn't supposed to be this long...XD

By the way, if you guys want to see the bouquet, I can post it in facebook...^^

**Fic Facts:**

**1.** "Maybe, they really were meant to be together." = "Siguro sila talaga."

**2.** Cagalli's family consists of Ullen, Via and Kira Hibiki.

**3.** I cried writing this part...T^T

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><p><strong>"Behind the Stories"<strong>

Lynx/Fate/me posted on facebook: ...On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me—NOTHING! Because I'm freaking single!

Koichii: bitter-much, ne?

Maiatong: waiting for Athrun?

Fate: Ahahahahaha...XD Maybe!^^

Spicylicious: Mrs. Claus / Lynx Zala... XD Since we've been good, can I ask if Riko and I will get our presents?^^

Fate: Lynx Zala? Well anyway, don't you worry, I'm sure Santa has something for you two. *winks!*

Spicylicious: that's a hint that you'll update, right? XD

Fate: No, Santa will update...X3

Riko Chiaki: Yay! Update! XD

Koichii: Y'know, I was planning to update my fics this holiday but City Hunter got in the way. Oohhh, that rhymed! haha. Ugh. I can't concentrate. XD Happy holidays again!

Fate: ahahaha...XD I'll be updating later... but only two since the other one can't be finished...X3 Fairy Tail got in the way, I blame Writen-Sin! X3 And I'll be gone by tomorrow so in the mean time, I'll spam you guys with pictures of Merry Christmas...^^

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><p>And no flames, please respect that this is my fic. Thank you!<p>

(.^_^.)

~ Fate

12242011


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